All Change

I woke with the overwhelming desire not to be here any more!  What a change from yesterday.  I have been idling since 6a.m. and it is now 1.50pm.  I am pissed about so many things, my health and all the physical constant pain; the fact that I have had to tidy up after more able bodied family members; that there is work to do but I neither have the motivation or the inclination to do it; feeling abandoned and what the fuck have I done to deserve all this?!  Maybe just maybe the silence would be better ..... these are my thoughts and I am fighting the desire to slit my wrists.

I have been here too many times, when will this stop!